Curriculum

What do we look for in a friend (how to tell a real friend from a false friend)?

We looked at factors like:

• sharing common interests,  
• kindness and caring,  
• support,  
• commitment and loyalty,  
• honesty and trust,  
• equality,  
• ability to self-disclose feelings,  
• conflict resolution.

How to make conversations work (Steps for conversational skills)

We discussed these skills and we did some practise:

• Asking the other person questions
• Answering  your own question (when the conversation dies because the other person  doesn’t ask you any questions, you can answer the question that you last  asked them and it keeps the conversation going)
• Talking  about common interests (finding topics that you both enjoy talking  about so that you are both keen to continue the conversation)
• How  to ask follow-up questions (after someone has given you an answer, pick  out something in what they said and ask them a follow-up question about  it)
• Avoid being a “Conversation Hog” (Don’t dominate conversations by talking too long on your own favourite topics.)
• Avoid  being an “Interviewer” (It’s good to ask the other person questions,  and we also need to self-disclose our own thoughts and opinions  otherwise we come across as unfriendly.)
• Go  slow and steady with personal/distressing topics (don’t give too much  information out of a personal nature, because it causes us to appear needy and people will withdraw from us)

How to initiate a conversation with someone new (the exact formula)

The formula for starting a conversation is:  

• casually look over,  
• look slightly interested at first,  
• find a common interest,  
• mention the common interest,  
• ask questions about the common interest,  
• assess their interest level (check the other person is keen to talk)
• introduce yourself.
  

1. Characteristics of Good Friendships 
2. Rules for Trading Information 
3. Steps for Starting Conversations 
4. Maintaining Conversations
   

• Don't brag
• Don't be the police  
• Use good body boundaries
• Use good volume control
• Use good eye contact
• Don't be argumentative   
• Listen to your friend
• Ask open-ended questions
• Don't be repetitive   

• Praise e.g 'Nice job trading information and common interests'.
• Offering suggestions/constructive feedback e.g 'How about next time we also ask more follow-up questions'
• Focusing  on strengths e.g 'I like how you showed your friend you were listening  during that conversation. That was a great follow-up question.'

• Parents  and Coaches are to assist their Young Adult to engage in a conversation  with another young adult via phone or video call. Do this 1-2 times a  week. 
• Peers  will use these calls or video chats to Practice Trading Information and  Maintaining Conversations using the 'buzzword phrases' under this  heading. Do this 1-2 times a week. 
• After the conversation is  complete, we encourage our Social Coach to ask their PEER the  'Perspective Taking' questions in the handout as part of a  self-assessment. Do this 1-2 times a week.
  

 TEXTS, PHONES & ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION

This includes things like making calls, texting, emailing, social media networking, video chats and instant messaging. 

Electronic Communication is a vital way for young people to communicate with each other. 

So we want to work with you to ensure their experiences are positive ones

Tasks:

1. Continue finding a source of friends
2. Continue  starting a conversation and trading information with a peer.Social  Coaches should go back over these rules before practising this task and  ask the social coaching questions after practice.
3. Arrange a phone or video chat with someone.
4. Practice starting and ending a call while trading information and finding common interests.
   

All tips and steps needed to help you successfully achieve this mission can be found in the social coaching handouts attached.....

Also included in the Social Coaching Handout is:

1. Steps for exchanging contact information

2. Steps for starting and ending phone calls

3. Cover story or 'reasons for the call' examples

4. Steps for leaving a voicemail 

5. General rules for using Electronic Communication

6. Safety plans for attending Meet-Up groups found online

7. Suggestions for staying safe online

WHERE TO LOOK FOR FRIENDS

Task 1: Finding appropriate friendship sources:

There  are a variety of ways we can go about looking to develop new  friendships. There a 3 main ways to find good potential friends…

1. Social  Groups (Scouts/School choir/School Bookclub): See attachment and start  brainstorming with your Young Adult that may suit their needs
2. Social Activities (soccer/swimming/dance): Discuss the possibility of joining a social activity like etc. 

The criteria should be:

• Based on things of interest to your young person, 
• Meets at least fortnightly
• Accepts peers of similar ages
• Includes unstructured time to interact with others
• Activity can be accessed within the next couple of weeks

Common Interests     

Here are some CLUES for our Young Adults that help identify if there is a common interest:

• Appearance - e.g clothing, hair colour and style.
• Interests - e.g what do they like to talk about?
• What they do in their free time?
• Who they currently hang out with?
• Where they like to hang out?
• Social activities they already belong to.

TASK 2. Assessing Peer Acceptance or Rejection:

As  your young adult begins to identify which social groups they might fit  in with, it will be important to practice identifying how you can tell  if they are accepted or not by people within these groups.

Table  4.3 (attached) is a chart that you can use to help your Young Adult  identify the differences between acceptance or lack of acceptance. Ask  your Young Adult include:

• How can you tell if you're ACCEPTED by someone?
• How can you tell if you're NOT ACCEPTED by someone?

No  one likes to feel rejected and this is again where the wonderful  support of our PEERS parents and Coaches is vital. Letting our PEERS know that they will need to be potentially prepared that not everyone wants to be friends with us, as friendship is a choice. 

Remember, we don't get to be friends with everybody, just like not everybody gets to be friends with us.

TASK 3: Call or Video Chat (1-2 times a week)

Parents  and Coaches are to assist their Young Adult to engage in a conversation  with another young adult via phone or video call. 

Before calling go over 'Trading Information' skills from the first PEERS session:

• Don't brag
• Don't police  
• Use good body boundaries
• Use good volume control
• Use good eye contact
• Don't be argumentative   
• Listen to your friend
• Ask open-ended questions
• Don't be repetitive      

After the call ask your Young Adult:

1. What was the common interest?
2. What could we do with that information if we wanted to hang out?

TASK 4. Choose a personal item to PEERS to trade information

Our PEERS respond well to:

• Praise e.g 'Nice job trading information and common interests'.
• Offering suggestions/constructive feedback e.g 'How about next time we also ask more follow-up questions'
• Focusing  on strengths e.g 'I like how you showed your friend you were listening  during that conversation. That was a great follow-up question'

We all respond well to:

• Praise e.g 'Nice job trading information and identifying common interests.
• Offering suggestions/constructive feedback e.g 'How about we do some research into what activities are available locally?'
• Focusing on strengths e.g 'I like how you are willing to consider trying new activities.'

APPROPRIATE USE OF HUMOUR

1. Rules for Humour - which covers things such as

• Rules of Humour (what works & doesn’t)
• Give a courtesy laugh 
• Are people laughing at you or with you 
• Paying attention to humour feedback.

2. Getting the ‘Funny Level’ just right 

• Joke Tellers - we avoid being someone who is constantly telling jokes and can’t be serious.
• Joke Lovers - we aim to be people who tell jokes sometimes and enjoy others jokes.
• Joke Haters - we avoid being someone who hates jokes or who stops others enjoying jokes.

We will also be continuing to practice conversational skills with your young person.

• Practising the Rules for Trading Information and Finding Common Interests
• Followed by these two Social Coaching Questions:
• What was the common interest in that conversation?
• How can we use this common interest to spark future conversations? 

You are always welcome to give us a call on 0482 081 960 if we can help you and your young person kick some goals.

ENTERING GROUP CONVERSATIONS

In Weeks 1-3, we've learned:

1. Starting conversations and trading information, 
2. Maintaining conversation and trading information.
3. Finding a Source of Friends
4. Appropriate use of Electronic Communication
5. Appropriate Use of Humour - last week was a great opportunity to share some laughs together.

Entering Group Conversations can be a bit trickier than striking up a conversation with just one individual. 

Myth-busting: Don't do what you were told at school:

Throughout  this session, we will look at how common advice such as 'be  yourself'',and 'just go and talk to them' is totally NOT effective. 

As  always there will be opportunities to practise these skills in our  online small groups and we have attached the task sheet for parents.

It is very encouraging watching our PEERS grow in confidence each week and we love hearing feedback form yourselves and them. 

We are only a phone call away if you need any further support on 0482 081 960

 EXITING CONVERSATIONS

Sometimes  even when we follow all the steps for entering group conversations we  might discover that the group does not want to talk to us, or are not  the right fit for us. This happens to all of us and that's why it is  important that we practice building our confidence:

• Exiting conversations when NOT ACCEPTED
• Exiting conversations when INITIALLY ACCEPTED AND THEN EXCLUDED
• Exiting conversations when FULLY ACCEPTED

As always there will be opportunities to practise these skills in our online small groups and we have attached the task sheet so you know exactly how we’re helping your child.

HOW TO DO SOCIAL GET-TOGETHERS

The 5 W's will help our PEERS to be more confident in planning successful Get-Togethers. 

The 5 W's for planning Get-Togethers are:

1. WHO is going to be there

2. WHAT you're going to do

3. WHERE you're going to get together

4. WHEN you're going to get together

5. HOW the get together is going to happen

During our PEERS session we will also discuss:

• Preparing for Get-Togethers
• Steps for Beginning and Ending Get-Togethers
• Rules during Get-Togethers

This week our PEERS will be encouraged to plan their very own Get-Together with someone they know, and they will possibly need their wonderful Parents/Mentors support to plan out the WHERE and WHEN details.

Please note, that it does not have to be complicated. Some suggestions might include:

• Planning a video gaming session
• Going to the movie theatre/or a movie day in
• Going shopping 
• Visiting a local attraction

HANDLING DISAGREEMENTS

It  is fairly common to have an occasional argument or disagreement with  family, friends or others, but as a rule, they shouldn't have to mean  the end of a relationship.

There  are usually two positions we find ourselves in when a disagreement  arises and this week we will explore these and the steps we should take  to address the issue.

1. Steps for Responding To Disagreements:

• Keep you cool
• Listen to other people
• Repeat what they said
• Explain your side using 'I' statements
• Say you're sorry
• Try to solve the problem

2. Steps for Bringing Up Disagreements:

• Wait for the right time and place
• Keep your cool
• Ask to speak privately
• Explain your side using 'I' statements
• Listen to the other person
• Repeat what they said
• Tell them what they need them to do
• Try to solve the problem
• Remember friendship is a choice

TOPIC OPTION 1: Good Sportsmanship and Teamwork

If you are joining us for the topic Good Sportsmanship & Teamwork that will be so much fun.

This week we will be looking at:

• Why is it important to be a Good Sport when participating in games and sports events?
• What are ways someone might be a Bad Sport?
• What are ways someone might be a Good Sport?
• Rules of Good Sportsmanship
• We have some fun, interactive group games to practice good sportsmanship 

TOPIC OPTION 2: Pre-Dating Etiquette

• Planning & Preparing for a Date
• Staying Safe on a Date 
• What to do During a Date
• Steps for Ending a Date
• What to Do After the Date
• Dating Do's & Don'ts
• Choosing appropriate groups to find people to date - Where might we meet Potential Partners?
• Choosing someone who would be potentially good to date - (Qualities to look for)
• How to speak confidently with both guys and girls
• How  to be patient and gradually build friendships that could maybe go  further later on (we build relationships slowly and patiently)
• How to Let Someone Know You Like Them
• Steps to Asking Someone on a Date
• Accepting Rejection
• How to Turn Someone Down

HANDLING DIRECT BULLYING

The focus here is to provide our young people with strategies for 'Handling Direct Bullying'. 

DIRECT forms of bullying include teasing and physical bullying. Attached to this email is the Social Coach Handout that outlines the STEPS for 'Handling Teasing and ' Handling Physical Bullying' in more detail.

We will cover INDIRECT bullying such as cyberbullying, rumours and gossip in a later session.

Bullying can be common in adolescence, but unfortunately, it also happens with adults. It is important to note that we are not going to encourage participants to talk about specific experiences where they may have been bullied. Instead  we are going to focus on what we can do in these situations to make it  less likely that we are bullied again, and strategies to address the  situation if it does occur again.

We encourage you to continue to practice with your child the steps for 'handling disagreements' that we covered this week as well.

HANDLING INDIRECT BULLYING

INDIRECT forms of bullying such as cyberbullying, rumours and gossip happen behind our back but we can handle it.

Strategies  needed to address INDIRECT forms of bullying are very different to  those we might use for DIRECT forms of bullying. Attached to this email  is the Social Coach Handout that outlines the STEPS we will be practising in more detail.

Instead,  we are going to focus on what we can do in these situations to make it  less likely that we are bullied again, and strategies to address the  situation if it does occur again.

We encourage you to continue to practice with your child the steps for 'handling disagreements' and 'Handling Direct Bullying' that we covered last week as well.